If you are on Facebook, you’ve seen that picture floating around that has an arrow that points to your name and says “This Person is Allergic to Negative People” or the one of the button that says “I’m allergic to Negative People”. There are several versions of these pictures, and I had posted one on my profile a few months ago. I received many likes and was shared by several of my friends. That inspired me to “unfriend” a lot of people on Facebook that are negative or use FB as a way to rant. I told a friend at work about getting rid of negative people, and she shared with me that she had done the same both in real life and in FB.
It made me think of so many people I know that are nice but are afraid to “break-up” with the negative people in their lives. It’s the hardest detox I know! So I wrote a blog post on MentalBlox.com about this. Here is the post:
Detoxing is a very important step in recovery; it frees you and empowers you by resetting your body to start the new life you want. However, there is a type of detoxing we all hate to do. We can survive all sorts of cleansing and withdrawals, but this type of detox is one of the most difficult ones to do and can sometimes delay our recovery process: Getting rid of the negative influences in our life.
Without the correct support, it is difficult to stay strong. Having people that support you on your path is probably as vital as taking the first step. If you have people in your life that are holding you back, your chances of staying strong decrease significantly. I have seen it with many of my friends that refuse to let go of some of the people in their lives that contribute to either addictions and/or have not taken that first step of admitting they have a problem too.
Letting go of negative people in your life is simple, yet challenging. I find that breaking up with friends and family has been harder than breaking up with a partner. We tend to hold tighter to our friends and relatives and we defend them against almost anything. So how do we “break up” relationships that are not serving us? Well, the first step is to stop denying that a person is holding you back or contributing to your addiction. Voicing it, saying it out loud helps: “(fill in the blank) is no longer serving me and my greater good.” “(fill in the blank) doesn’t have my best interest at heart”, “(fill in the blank) causes drama and negativity in my life”, “(fill in the blank) is not supportive of my health and recovery path”.
I finally broke up a relationship that was draining me; a friend that for years fed me her own drama and addictions. I stayed in the relationship because I thought I could help her, but also I was in denial that I enjoyed her weekly calls with drama and stress. It was hard to admit that to myself, but once I did and was honest that I was feeding my addictions thru her drama, I was able to let go.
Learning to Build and Nourish Healthy Relationships
After being in abusive relationships or accepting life with negative people that bring you down, it’s hard to recognize and accept those in our lives that bring us joy and have our best interest at heart. It will take time to heal and learn how to build new relationships that are honest and loving. Once you have broken free from the negative people in your life, you will have space for new healthy relationships. If your cup is full of negativity, how can you fill it with positivity? Empty it first, and make room. That’s how! Remember, most unhealthy relationships are one way street, where only one person gets heard. Once I stopped taking the weekly calls from my negative friends, I gained so many wonderful, healthy friends and learned to have two way friendships instead of just being “the sponge” that soaked up all the other person’s junk. Now I have true friends and we love each other for who we are… and we all get time to share our lives with each other. Now that’s healthy!
One of my favorite hobbies is clearing clutter, as in physical junk in my surroundings. However, now I knew it was time for me to “clear the clutter” in my relationships. It’s scary at first, but so are all new journeys we take in life. You will know who those people are and the universe will guide you when you are ready to take that step. Try to recognize these unhealthy relationships sooner than later so they don’t take a toll on your health and recovery path.
How different would your life be without negative people in the picture? Share with us three positive things of not have negative people in your life.
Photo by .Habeeba.